I took your advice and added more detail into my story.
Thump, thump
Thump, thump
I could hear my heart pounding as I raced around the corner. I could hear the water droplets hitting the wet stones I continued running down the hallway, my only light all but a few torches who’s dancing fire cast an ominous light around the corridor. Then I started hearing a faint sound that grew louder and louder as I approached the area. All I could see a heavily armoured door locked and sealed so that nothing could get in or out. I didn’t know what I could do but I knew that I needed to past my latest obstacle, I thought about how I was going to get past and I thought for too long because before I knew it I saw a blood soaked blade jutting out of the front of my chest but strangely I could not feel anything. I turned around in time to see the sword being pulled out of my chest and lunged in to my heart. All color faded from my vision and I was falling, falling, falling…
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
My new book
Please be brutal I need the critisisim for the corrections.
Intro
Thump, thump
Thump, thump
Thump, thump
I could hear my heart pounding as I raced around the corner. The stone walls glowed an ominous light, and the dancing fire illuminated my path. I could hear voices in the distance screaming, and shouting. I could see the door and knew that the people were behind that door. Then I saw a blood sword jutting out from by torso, before I was able to turn around the swordsman had removed his weapon and sheathed it in my heart. All color faded from my eyes but I could feel no pain. I felt myself falling, falling, falling…
Chapter 1
I woke up with a jolt, drenched in cold sweat, my heart still racing. I have had that dream before and every time it gets more realistic. I get up and started getting ready for my work the smell of burning wood, and metal filled the air. Dad must be working early. My father Gabriel was one of the finest blacksmiths in Duthaitchel. He has been practicing his craft for over 20 years now. I grabbed myself a quick breakfast of bread and water and continued on into the shop. I could see my father and his apprentice Michael working. Michael was about 23 and has been working as my father’s apprentice for roughly five years. I was going to take over for Michael when he left to find a master to finish his training with when I turned 18. I was only 15 and I could not wait.
I loved the shop it was always warm and smelled over burning wood. There was a furnace on the left side of the building near to was an anvil and a bucket of water, Father liked to keep his tools above him so there where easy to find and grab, but occasional easy to walk into. Gabriel usually only worked on about one or two weapons at a time but right he was working on about twenty. I wondered why he had taken on a job like this. While I was wondering this Michael turned around to greet me. “ Good morning, it is about time you arouse” he stated “ Me and Gabriel have been working all morning”
“Sorry I over slept I had the same nightmare again but more vivid this time.” I replied
“Ah, I see. Well that does not excuse you from you choirs, quit standing around and grab us more firewood” My father directed me. I guess it was his way of saying good morning.
I grabbed the axe and went outside. It was a beautiful day out the sun was still just shining over the mountains but the sky was clear and the air was nice and crisp. I walked over to the wood pile and grabbed a couple logs. I split them into smaller pieces, though large enough so that they would burn slowly. I was a fairly average height for my age about 5’10 and I was proud of that. I was pretty well muscled because my choirs around the forge.
Intro
Thump, thump
Thump, thump
Thump, thump
I could hear my heart pounding as I raced around the corner. The stone walls glowed an ominous light, and the dancing fire illuminated my path. I could hear voices in the distance screaming, and shouting. I could see the door and knew that the people were behind that door. Then I saw a blood sword jutting out from by torso, before I was able to turn around the swordsman had removed his weapon and sheathed it in my heart. All color faded from my eyes but I could feel no pain. I felt myself falling, falling, falling…
Chapter 1
I woke up with a jolt, drenched in cold sweat, my heart still racing. I have had that dream before and every time it gets more realistic. I get up and started getting ready for my work the smell of burning wood, and metal filled the air. Dad must be working early. My father Gabriel was one of the finest blacksmiths in Duthaitchel. He has been practicing his craft for over 20 years now. I grabbed myself a quick breakfast of bread and water and continued on into the shop. I could see my father and his apprentice Michael working. Michael was about 23 and has been working as my father’s apprentice for roughly five years. I was going to take over for Michael when he left to find a master to finish his training with when I turned 18. I was only 15 and I could not wait.
I loved the shop it was always warm and smelled over burning wood. There was a furnace on the left side of the building near to was an anvil and a bucket of water, Father liked to keep his tools above him so there where easy to find and grab, but occasional easy to walk into. Gabriel usually only worked on about one or two weapons at a time but right he was working on about twenty. I wondered why he had taken on a job like this. While I was wondering this Michael turned around to greet me. “ Good morning, it is about time you arouse” he stated “ Me and Gabriel have been working all morning”
“Sorry I over slept I had the same nightmare again but more vivid this time.” I replied
“Ah, I see. Well that does not excuse you from you choirs, quit standing around and grab us more firewood” My father directed me. I guess it was his way of saying good morning.
I grabbed the axe and went outside. It was a beautiful day out the sun was still just shining over the mountains but the sky was clear and the air was nice and crisp. I walked over to the wood pile and grabbed a couple logs. I split them into smaller pieces, though large enough so that they would burn slowly. I was a fairly average height for my age about 5’10 and I was proud of that. I was pretty well muscled because my choirs around the forge.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Elves and Dwarves
Ok I LOVE reading fantasy novels there are amazing books and I wish to write one if I can come up with a story and plot. But thats not what I actually wanted to talk about.
Why is it that in all fantasy books that include dwarves and elves the dwarves are always like Irish or scotish and the elves are always fair, and upper class with a profiency in fighting, magic and swordsmanship that it just about in their blood.( In some cases it is) I just don't know why they have made this connection. It would be funny to have a story of a brutish ent that is similar to the Urk-hui from Lord of the Rings and an Dwarf are regal as an ent or elf. It would be quit a backwards book.
Yes I know am I geek so don't bother mentioning it.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
Why is it that in all fantasy books that include dwarves and elves the dwarves are always like Irish or scotish and the elves are always fair, and upper class with a profiency in fighting, magic and swordsmanship that it just about in their blood.( In some cases it is) I just don't know why they have made this connection. It would be funny to have a story of a brutish ent that is similar to the Urk-hui from Lord of the Rings and an Dwarf are regal as an ent or elf. It would be quit a backwards book.
Yes I know am I geek so don't bother mentioning it.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
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