Ever since I got my laptop...
Oh I got new laptop
Well as I was saying ever since i got my new laptop I have been wanting to make youtube video. So I have spent a couple days working on one and I have finished my video and I actually think it turned out pretty good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY4pL6XzLok
please be brutal and tell me what you think.
Fly on. Fly free,
AvianFang
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
My past
This post is once again more for me. I am sorry I keep making these but because of certain things that are out of my control I am finding myself think and reflect on myself and my habits. There will be a lot less swearing then my previous rants but I have to get all my thoughts together just to help myself out.
As a kid I was really different, and I was proud of this. I enjoyed being unique and having things I was good at separate from the majority. The problem is that most people do not like the outcast the individual. Especially in our day and age. So as a kid I was constantly bugged about being different, I am a proud person, and I pride myself for trying not to give in to other people. But the constant run ins with these people who did not like me and who I was not very fond of either did have there effect. I begin to teach myself not to care, to ignore them.
To hate.
It worked, I hated them, there words meant nothing to me. It was easier this way and it worked. This skill has protected me for a long time, saved me from a lot of things that probably I should have endured.
Alright so now you know about my shield. Here is my problem. With this hate became control. I had complete and total control over my life, I did not have to worry about what people thought or did because I hated them, and didn't care about them, and I always had control over my emotions. Lately I have begun losing control. I let my hatred slip away so I could become more human again. With this I also have been able to feel emotions again far stronger then I have ever before. Only downside is I can't control this.
I HATE NOT BEING IN CONTROL!
I am not obsessive of other people but the fact that I am not in control of my emotions drives me insane. Emotions are peoples thoughts and feelings, they are what make us who we are (and in some cases what make us human) I can't control them anymore because of my love for Erica. So I am conflicted, I can't control my emotions because they are so strongly connected with her, I want control over my emotions because I feel safer that way. At the same time I want nothing more then to be with her.
Something else I hate is starting a post knowing exactly what I am going to say, write most of it and then lose my train of thought at the end. It really annoys me.
Ah I think I know what I want to say again.
This post helps me realize what I have been feeling. I have opened myself to another person in doing so I have begun to stop protecting myself. I should mention that I also lie A LOT to protect myself but I am feel compelled to tell the truth which is weird for me.
I really don't know what else to say my brain is no longer on overdrive.
Do you guys think I should make a separate blog for my rants or leave it on here.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
As a kid I was really different, and I was proud of this. I enjoyed being unique and having things I was good at separate from the majority. The problem is that most people do not like the outcast the individual. Especially in our day and age. So as a kid I was constantly bugged about being different, I am a proud person, and I pride myself for trying not to give in to other people. But the constant run ins with these people who did not like me and who I was not very fond of either did have there effect. I begin to teach myself not to care, to ignore them.
To hate.
It worked, I hated them, there words meant nothing to me. It was easier this way and it worked. This skill has protected me for a long time, saved me from a lot of things that probably I should have endured.
Alright so now you know about my shield. Here is my problem. With this hate became control. I had complete and total control over my life, I did not have to worry about what people thought or did because I hated them, and didn't care about them, and I always had control over my emotions. Lately I have begun losing control. I let my hatred slip away so I could become more human again. With this I also have been able to feel emotions again far stronger then I have ever before. Only downside is I can't control this.
I HATE NOT BEING IN CONTROL!
I am not obsessive of other people but the fact that I am not in control of my emotions drives me insane. Emotions are peoples thoughts and feelings, they are what make us who we are (and in some cases what make us human) I can't control them anymore because of my love for Erica. So I am conflicted, I can't control my emotions because they are so strongly connected with her, I want control over my emotions because I feel safer that way. At the same time I want nothing more then to be with her.
Something else I hate is starting a post knowing exactly what I am going to say, write most of it and then lose my train of thought at the end. It really annoys me.
Ah I think I know what I want to say again.
This post helps me realize what I have been feeling. I have opened myself to another person in doing so I have begun to stop protecting myself. I should mention that I also lie A LOT to protect myself but I am feel compelled to tell the truth which is weird for me.
I really don't know what else to say my brain is no longer on overdrive.
Do you guys think I should make a separate blog for my rants or leave it on here.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
Saturday, August 15, 2009
A new post
I am sorry for being so grouchy and moody lately. I don't really like posting when I am like that because they are not really entertaining and they are not thought provoking they are just a random jumble of words. I want my blog to be interesting whenever possible so thats what I am going to try to work on.
So I was looking around and I found this site with some religious questions and answers. This is what one said.
6. Durign a Latin Convention i went to last weekend, we were discussing doctor assisted suicide and people put up good arguements. Of course im against it, but against the arguement that the dotor woudl be playing God by killing the sick person, but then wouldnt we be playing God by doing alot of things like using medicines?
You are a very perceptive girl. Anytime we use creation for some purpose, you could say we are exercising powers God entrusted to us. However, doctor assisted suicide is "playing God" in a way we need to question. Once someone says they have the right to take someone's life (even their own) the consequences are enormous.
(I do realize the person asking the question has terrible grammar)
Now this question was answered by a father of some catholic church. All I want to know is What is the difference between killing someone who wants to do and who doesn't? Why is it wrong to kill the person who is in extreme pain and wants to be killed which is what the doctors do and killing a bunch of innocent people who want to live which is what soldiers do?
I don't understand why people can sometimes be this stupid. But I know my opinion and I think you reading this probablly do also. I want to know what you think. Do you think euthanasia is good or bad and why? Also if you think it is wrong then tell me if you support your troops?
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
So I was looking around and I found this site with some religious questions and answers. This is what one said.
6. Durign a Latin Convention i went to last weekend, we were discussing doctor assisted suicide and people put up good arguements. Of course im against it, but against the arguement that the dotor woudl be playing God by killing the sick person, but then wouldnt we be playing God by doing alot of things like using medicines?
You are a very perceptive girl. Anytime we use creation for some purpose, you could say we are exercising powers God entrusted to us. However, doctor assisted suicide is "playing God" in a way we need to question. Once someone says they have the right to take someone's life (even their own) the consequences are enormous.
(I do realize the person asking the question has terrible grammar)
Now this question was answered by a father of some catholic church. All I want to know is What is the difference between killing someone who wants to do and who doesn't? Why is it wrong to kill the person who is in extreme pain and wants to be killed which is what the doctors do and killing a bunch of innocent people who want to live which is what soldiers do?
I don't understand why people can sometimes be this stupid. But I know my opinion and I think you reading this probablly do also. I want to know what you think. Do you think euthanasia is good or bad and why? Also if you think it is wrong then tell me if you support your troops?
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I feel like ranting and swearing A LOT!
I am sorry but I am in a really bad mood right now and probably shouldn't post because I will say something really fucking stupid but what ever I don't really fucking care right now. I am really pissed I want to swear and go on a murderous fucking rampage. AAAARRRGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
I am really fucking sorry if I piss some people off with this post because they don't like my language. I usually try and censore my posts so that they are not this bad but I really don't feel like stopping myself from swearing. I don't know why I am as pissed as I am. I am bored and I don't want to be here. My brother is really starting to drive me insane and the only thing I can think of right now that might make me feel fucking good again will be physically attacking something. It may be pent up energy which might make sense I dunno I just know I am in a bad mood.
Plus I have to keep studying this fucking book so I can win a bet that I wanna win and so I can get my license. I want my license because it seems like a good idea and I might as well have it so I can get my g2 earlier. Problem is the book is really boring and I dont want to fucking read it. More AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHZZZZZZ!!!!!
I am feeling a little better now sorry if you don't like this post but I needed to do it so don't bother commenting if your just going to say I should watch my language.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
I am really fucking sorry if I piss some people off with this post because they don't like my language. I usually try and censore my posts so that they are not this bad but I really don't feel like stopping myself from swearing. I don't know why I am as pissed as I am. I am bored and I don't want to be here. My brother is really starting to drive me insane and the only thing I can think of right now that might make me feel fucking good again will be physically attacking something. It may be pent up energy which might make sense I dunno I just know I am in a bad mood.
Plus I have to keep studying this fucking book so I can win a bet that I wanna win and so I can get my license. I want my license because it seems like a good idea and I might as well have it so I can get my g2 earlier. Problem is the book is really boring and I dont want to fucking read it. More AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHZZZZZZ!!!!!
I am feeling a little better now sorry if you don't like this post but I needed to do it so don't bother commenting if your just going to say I should watch my language.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Rant #1
I am going to rant right now. This is for me because when I do these rants it helps relieve myself of excess emotion and sometimes help me think straight again. This rant is for me. If you want to read it be my guest but it will probably have no relation to anyone else. This will be the first I will make one every time I go insane over the next three weeks. (Continue reading to find out why I will be going insane.)
Viva la Ranting
Alright so my girlfriend Erica is going to Newfoundland for like 3 weeks. Which is awesome because NFLD is an amazing place she can see her family and it should be a lot of fun. The only problem is. I am pretty sure I love her and having to spend three weeks without being see her is fucking torture. Seriously I spent like not even two days and I was boarder lining a mental break down. That was like 36 hours. Tops. Now she will be gone for 540 hours minimum. I am not sure if I am going to make it.
So while she is gone I am going to be making a lot of rant posts because for some reason as of late my emotions have been well actually working and I am starting to feel a lot of stuff. This is annoying because I am used to feeling little to nothing and not having to worry about my emotions. This also means that I am not sure how to deal with everything at the time and therefore tend to break down a little. To help protect myself I am going to make many rants so that my brain does not have to be constantly thinking about a lot of stuff at one time. If anyone who manages to read up to this point has any other methods for stopping mental break downs please help me.
I also would like to know from my audience roughly how old are you guys. I don't want to stalk you are anything but knowing my audience will help me decided what I should and should not talk about in my post in general I try not to offend when possible but it would help if I knew.
Has anyone else felt this way before. I hope not because it fricken sucks but at the same time I know I feel this way because I am missing someone who means so much to me. Do you guys think it is good to feel this way. Cat I am talking to you specifically now because you are usually such a bug help. I NEED ADVICE I AM NOT USED TO THIS!!!
Arg I hate this but I don't think I should. See this is the problem I am confusing myself and it leads me to being almost completely shut down in some cases.
Thats all for now.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
Viva la Ranting
Alright so my girlfriend Erica is going to Newfoundland for like 3 weeks. Which is awesome because NFLD is an amazing place she can see her family and it should be a lot of fun. The only problem is. I am pretty sure I love her and having to spend three weeks without being see her is fucking torture. Seriously I spent like not even two days and I was boarder lining a mental break down. That was like 36 hours. Tops. Now she will be gone for 540 hours minimum. I am not sure if I am going to make it.
So while she is gone I am going to be making a lot of rant posts because for some reason as of late my emotions have been well actually working and I am starting to feel a lot of stuff. This is annoying because I am used to feeling little to nothing and not having to worry about my emotions. This also means that I am not sure how to deal with everything at the time and therefore tend to break down a little. To help protect myself I am going to make many rants so that my brain does not have to be constantly thinking about a lot of stuff at one time. If anyone who manages to read up to this point has any other methods for stopping mental break downs please help me.
I also would like to know from my audience roughly how old are you guys. I don't want to stalk you are anything but knowing my audience will help me decided what I should and should not talk about in my post in general I try not to offend when possible but it would help if I knew.
Has anyone else felt this way before. I hope not because it fricken sucks but at the same time I know I feel this way because I am missing someone who means so much to me. Do you guys think it is good to feel this way. Cat I am talking to you specifically now because you are usually such a bug help. I NEED ADVICE I AM NOT USED TO THIS!!!
Arg I hate this but I don't think I should. See this is the problem I am confusing myself and it leads me to being almost completely shut down in some cases.
Thats all for now.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Woot
Alright I am happy right now because I finally got up the courage to ask my ex-girlfriend Erica out again. We have been friends for a while again and I think it is a good idea. So I am psyched. Only one problem is that she is currently 55km or about 37miles away and I have no way of getting there. She is going to NFLD in 3 days, she will be there for 3 weeks, then it will be school again and we are in different schools. So I am really sad. I do have 1 idea though, I am considering biking down to see her tomorrow. It is Tuesday so I would be leaving Wednesday. I figure it will take about 3.5 hours straight to bike there. I think I am able to do it I have the route mapped out now the only thing is I am not sure if I should do it. I do realize I am crazy.
So ya if you have any comment on this idea please tell me. If you read this after wednesday feel free to write your opinion anyway. There is not a lot that matters to me at the moment so I can't think of anything else to write sorry.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
So ya if you have any comment on this idea please tell me. If you read this after wednesday feel free to write your opinion anyway. There is not a lot that matters to me at the moment so I can't think of anything else to write sorry.
Fly on. Fly free,
Avian Fang
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